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Rant of the day!


Abu

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God, this day is so terrible. I feel like ranting a lot. I hate myself for sitting here and waiting for him to log in... I hate myself because my heart beats ultrarapidily when I think about him. And I hate that I have a Math IA and a B&M IA to complete because that means we will lose contact with each other... because I cannot sit up until 3 a.m. every day. My Gosh.. I'm so damn jealous on people that have never been in love.

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My Gosh.. I'm so damn jealous on people that have never been in love.

Haha that's me for certain.

Which is why I usually abort relationships when I think I like them.

Which worries me about my current relationship... but maybe I'll ride this one out and see what happens.

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We had a reunion with the chaipersons of an MUN conference that happened a few weeks ago, and I was really looking forward to seeing 3 guys from there. Then none of them showed up! :( One of them had told me a few days ago that he couldn't come, so he's excused. But the last 2 didn't come because one of them decided to stay at home and work on his Purim (Israeli Halloween) costume, and so the other one didn't have a ride. WTF?! Purim is on Tuesday, and he can't be bothered to come and see the people he spent 3 days with a few weeks ago? He was my co-chair, the person he sat with for hours in a conference and the person who he laughed with and made jokes with. And I'm not gonna be able to see him again because he lives in a city where I never have any business. I only found out when I got there that he wasn't coming; he couldn't even tell me beforehand! Who exactly am I to him, a worthless stranger?

Screw people who tell you for 2 weeks that they're coming to an event and then don't show up. I had fun with the people that DID show up.

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For sure. Or.. I thought I had got rid of the problem actually.. but then he started trouble my mind again. I don't want to love him.. because I don't think he loves me. But he gives me the illusion that he's interested, which gives my soul hope...

Leave him. Believe me on this one, the boy is being an idiot and the longer you hang on the more disinterested he'll be, most likely....I know how hard it is though =/ it'll get better, promise.

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Oh. My. Gosh. I am so happy I found this. I hate Math IAs. Especially ones due tomorrow that I didn't really start working on until the night before. I hate daylight savings time (wtft I don't get that hour of sleep i need?!). I'm so upset cuz my parents got mad at me for getting sick in Nov/Dec and then getting a D for the semester in Math (I was failing three of my classes second quarter and I brought two of them up to Bs and the other one stayed a D :'( ), made me quit all my extra-curriculars except for the spring musical (I got in, I got a part, all my friends are in it, break from IB hell, ect.). THEN on Tuesday my AP Physics teacher e-mails my parents saying I have an E in his class and my parents pull me out of the musical!!!!! And then on Friday he sent another e-mail: I now have a C in his class.

So now all I can do is come home and do homework. Gah!

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Leave him. Believe me on this one, the boy is being an idiot and the longer you hang on the more disinterested he'll be, most likely....I know how hard it is though =/ it'll get better, promise.

You know I'd love to put this behind me, but truth be told.. we have a common previous story and well, it's all complicated. And now I think I screwed the whole thing up because I said something really bitchy and life is just so cruel to me now..

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Why do I even bother? Why do I care so much? I spent the whole of last night, if not this whole week, worrying about him and he can't even bother to talk to me or give me, or anyone, any indication that he's bloody ALIVE...I wish he would just stop shutting himself up every time he's feeling depressed. I swear if I wasn't thousands of miles away from him I'd go to his house to hunt him down. god knows we've tried every other method, sms, bombarding him with phone calls from three different numbers, offline messages on yahoo. I swear I wasn't kidding when I told Yan she should get Lam to go check on him. Damn it, if it's this hard being his friend when he's so moody, I pity whoever would be his girlfriend. I cannot believe he was online last night and this morning and just ignored me... :Dyucky.gif

:D

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I wish I could call him. :D If Yan wasn't online today so that I could ask her to call him, I probably had made a long-distance call to him, damn the cost. But then he probably wouldn't have picked up considering he didn't pick up when Yan called. So he did sms her in the afternoon to say sorry for worrying everyone but he's feeling depressed and wanted to be left alone. Left alone to do what, wallow in his misery? In a way I want to give him the space he needs but his silence just scares me.

I wish you would just talk to me. I'm no good at comforting others and probably would have no idea what to say to make you feel better but at least I could listen...Don't shut yourself up like this. You just stay silent and it scares me...damn it, I haven't done anything all day, worrying about you. Just tell me something...I want to be there to give you a hug now, but I can't. I wish the internet wasn't the only thing connecting us now.

I don't want to have to worry about him, especially not right now!

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10 year old kids are SO annoying! :D

I went to the movies and like 7 10 year old kids were sitting behind me and my friends. I honestly don’t know why 10 year olds would know every word to heartless by Kanye West when I don’t even know them and the song is my rongtone! Anyways so we were watching the trailers and they kept on TALKING and laughing and when they Hannah montanna movie trailer was on they kept yelling “MILEY!!!!!YAYAY!!!” :D and when the movie started they kept on talking still so i turned around and told them to shut up and then one of the kids made a face at me! Ugh! Then they started throwing popcorn at my friend. Never will i let my friend drag me into a movie that is not rated PG-13 and above. Worst movie day ever!

:P

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Had my French individual oral today, and a tip for everyone: NEVER AGREE TO BE THE FIRST PERSON TO DO IT. My oral was fine, I answered questions well with no significant lapses in grammar and I had good answers for her questions on humanitarian aid, what I want to do in the future and so on.

Then I finished, and she was saving it. Saved it under my name, tried to open the file and it was empty. It hadn't been saved.

So my teacher tells me I have to redo the oral a few hours later. And no, I can't do the same one because apparently, that's unfair. I had to change the direction of my oral and talk about the political origins of the Cannes film festival rather than the benefits for France. I had to spend the next 2 hours looking up political vocabulary in the dictionary and making new bullet points. I only had 2 goes at practicing the entire thing out loud by myself.

And I was in tears right before the oral and after it because I noticed I made grammatical errors and I didn't use the vocab I had prepared for humanitarian aid (similar questions were asked) because I was too fixated on not making mistakes and not breaking down into tears. Whole thing was unnecessarily stressful, and although she said my second oral was better than my first (less dry), I don't think so.

I ****ing hate language orals, something always goes wrong with the recording/saving.

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Okay, so my old friend from middle school Tim came to my high school, so when he asked to borrow halo i said sure. Then he didn't let me share his usb games, and when We played halo in computer tutorial he wanted to join, then he kicked me out! A thousand curses on him! XD

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