50 Things To Do On An Exam, When You Know You’re Going To Fail

[HardHead]

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15

minutes. Wake up, say “oh nuts, better get cracking” and do some

gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the

secret documents!!”

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long

answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the

integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s

left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate

your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m

SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk

the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly

say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to

every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who are

you? Where’s the regular guy?”

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc…). Play with the volume at max

level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to

refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this

question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be

creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of

relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the

country” and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into

very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry

Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.

Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your

head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of gagging and coughing. Be as vulgar as

possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make

one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking.

Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be

taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let

them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of

the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to

another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,

start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If

it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE.

etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers

completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down

violently, scream out “Forget this!” and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the

instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving

after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point

during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,

tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on

above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put

on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of the opera”

until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the

class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.

Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take

the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say

“you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our

Lives is on!!!”

32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore

the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to

leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the

River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you

could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most

equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life

story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and

shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the

exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious…

like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just

failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with

the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Fake a faint.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any

question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they

do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.

Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (editor’s note: NOT!)

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc… sent

to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,

anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90

degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are

asked to stop, say “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook

with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical

instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”.

50. Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Stinks”

If I did this I would sooooo get kicked out

Edited June 7, 2012 by HardHead

[krystinawashereXD]

LOL, these are simply amazing!

I would love to do each and every one of these!

Except, I'd probably be kicked out ;P

You seem legit!

[Szczebrzeszyn]

Now I seriously consider doing #3 on my Polish A1 MOCK next week...

[TheregretfulIBstudent]

This post of yours just made my day. I laughed so much! You are genius!

[carson_abby]

Number 49=sheer genius.

[Ambriah]

Nice

[macrofire]

#35 is standard practice for AP Calculus BC. Really.

[Dominic Chong]

Number 49=sheer genius.

Totally agree!

Number 34 really would work.

[-._._.-]

3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12, 16, 20, 24, 25, 29, 30, 31, 35, 36, 38, 40, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50

See how I had trouble deciding which ones I liked the most?

Fine, the shortlisted ones:

11, 12, 16, 20, 24, 30, 31, 38, 40, 48, 49

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the
country” and run off.
Nice

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry
Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Wouldn't have thought of that.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make
one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
We should so try this

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.
Nice, again.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out “Forget this!” and walk out triumphantly.
Wow

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.
Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take
the exam.
Like this. Well, all the others too.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
“you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
Lives is on!!!”
Yeah

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious…
like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just
failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
Love this. The irony of not using the same subject on the cheatsheet to avoid letting them think that you are cheating makes it so much better.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
Simple, yet great.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
degree angle.
Amazing.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are
asked to stop, say “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook
with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”.
As others have pointed out, sheer genius. Here's a bit of TOK for you. (Well, sort of. In terms of Ignorantium)


These are brillant!!!

Edited April 17, 2013 by -._._.-

[elaifyanre]

My teacher told me that when she was in university, she took 2nd year mathematics in summer because that course conflicts with her physics class.

One of the students who knew that he would fail the final, asked his friend to pull the fire alarm when the exam was almost finished, so all the students had to go outside, and they have to take the exam all over again...

[Matsu]

I should not be reading this during externals.. HAHAHAHA

[Emzy_memzy]

If i did any of these my invidulator would probably kick me out and send a note to the IB asking them to fail me... Yes, thats how evil she can be

Edited May 12, 2013 by Emzy_memzy

[MaximumX]

Sad story actually. Some people at my school decided to write rap lyrics on their HL math exams. My teacher was really pissed. They also traced their hand onto the paper and wrote "High five for IB"

[Heather Kurle]

edit to #46: get singing telegrams delivered to you every 5 minutes.

[Lord_Larius]

My Teacher told me to post on any thread on this website and send him the Link to make sure I made an Account.
So I decided to post here to show him how confident I am that I will pass the Final Exams.

[HardHead]

Oh my god I never thought this would get so much attention! hahaahha