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Have you ever had thoughts of suicide?


Guest IMBATMAN

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i have felt depressed and stuff, but i don't think the thought of suicide has ever entered my brain.

i'm quite surprised to be honest that so many people have had the thought of committing suicide. :o

I second that. I've had times of depression, followed by times of pure joy and excitement, but suicide....??? Really???

To those who feel like committing suicide: :console: Cheer up! The IB will end soon, and once it does you might even miss it.

I agree. I'm done with the IB course. All that's left is the exam.. and I'm wondering where the 2 years have gone..

it really never comes to the point where i want to commit suicide. just keep a cool head and you'll live through.. as much as people say IB is torturous, it's an enjoyable memorable ride.

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i have felt depressed and stuff, but i don't think the thought of suicide has ever entered my brain.

i'm quite surprised to be honest that so many people have had the thought of committing suicide. :o

I second that. I've had times of depression, followed by times of pure joy and excitement, but suicide....??? Really???

To those who feel like committing suicide: :console: Cheer up! The IB will end soon, and once it does you might even miss it.

I agree. I'm done with the IB course. All that's left is the exam.. and I'm wondering where the 2 years have gone..

it really never comes to the point where i want to commit suicide. just keep a cool head and you'll live through.. as much as people say IB is torturous, it's an enjoyable memorable ride.

Made memorable by the ups and downs of the whole experience. I think it goes back to the old argument. The IB is not easy, it's quite tough but it's that which makes it worthwhile.

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mine has nothing to do with IB. it's because of my past history. i can't elaborate further because it's btw me and my psychiatrist only. how am i going to handle that? i think ECT is the best because it's like resetting your brain. i befriended a schizophrenic patient and he told me he had an ECT once. he lost his memories up to 6 months before. he could remember some stuffs but they were fragmented and he couldn't placed them in a timeline.

don't you wish you forget some of your past just like that - poof?

anybody here been inside a psych ward?

p/s so those who think my depression is caused by IB, it's not. it's sth more personal.

i'm sorry if i'm being too emotional here. i stop taking my antidepressant cold turkey. it's not recommended because i'll experience withdrawal syndrome (google it up).

my psychiatrist will surely scold me for stopping without her supervision. :punish:

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  • 2 weeks later...

I thought about it but I could never commit suicide. Theres so much stuff in life for me to do that I simply cant watse mine just because I'm miserable. Like, right now in my curret point of time in my life, I'm having thoughts about it. Not just because of school, but because everything is just crashing down around me. But even then, I can't do it. I'd be a hypocrite if I did(but then again, like I'm not already.)

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  • 3 years later...

I have considered many times, that's why I am in this page the first time. I did like last night and that was because of the extended essay I couldn't sleep well for a week (the thoughts weren't that serious though), but I myself am not sure if it's genuine thoughts or not. Sometimes I think i'm just caught in this pessimistic cycle or something or maybe I just forget what makes me happy. I kind of hated myself because I couldn't overcome little things. I thought I could do everything by myself. It's stupid thoughts I know, but sometimes they just come. But this morning after a long night sleep, I felt much better, my mind got clearer. Sleep is definitely my solution after depressing thoughts. 

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I have considered many times, that's why I am in this page the first time. I did like last night and that was because of the extended essay I couldn't sleep well for a week (the thoughts weren't that serious though), but I myself am not sure if it's genuine thoughts or not. Sometimes I think i'm just caught in this pessimistic cycle or something or maybe I just forget what makes me happy. I kind of hated myself because I couldn't overcome little things. I thought I could do everything by myself. It's stupid thoughts I know, but sometimes they just come. But this morning after a long night sleep, I felt much better, my mind got clearer. Sleep is definitely my solution after depressing thoughts. 

 

I think feeling exhausted and something weird about it being late at night can always mess with your mind a little bit - recognising that and the fact it's always better (especially if sunny!) in the morning is definitely the way to go!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I've thought about comitting suicide a lot, I´m diagnosed with depression.

I´m not blaming the IB. It just happens.

Sometimes, I even thank the IB cause it keeps me busy and apart from thinking about killing myself. I think every person thinks (even once) about suicide and I consider it as a phase, and that everything will change for better. 

Lots of love.

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  • 1 year later...

found here

 

I'm answering anonymously because it'd be too dangerous to reveal my identity: I'd expect to be judged wrongly, harshly and without any understanding if it happens, because nobody in my school talks aloud like this.

I am a 2nd-year IB student and I wouldn't be surprised at all if the IBDP is one of many causes of increasing teenage suicide rates. Going through all the pressures now, from teachers, parents and most of all myself (not to mention fierce competition from friends), I can understand why some students have chosen a permanent choice for what seems like a temporary experience. That was of course easier said than done; I myself am developing quite an existentialist mindset about life; all due to the IBDP.

The IAs and tests and deadlines all pile up on you like they're deliberately trying to suffocate you, and you have to aim to do your best for every assessment in order to keep on par with your friends (well...it's like this over here). And now that university decisions are rolling in, you feel like you have this extra requirement to maintain your grades for each assessment because if not, then it'd just make you feel like you're not good enough. 

Speaking of university offers, nobody here talks about it but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one harboring this secret fear. There's this underlying paranoia of not getting any offers from any of your universities, and if that happens, then where will you go after high school? For UCAS, you could apply through clearing or extra, but what if that doesn't work out? Or more importantly, what if you have to resort to doing that and you become a massive disgrace to your family and destroying your parents' expectations? My predicted grade is decent and I've gotten into my 2nd choice uni in the UK, and my parents are very proud. What I'm terrified of is not meeting the conditions for my 1st and insurance offers, and then having to go through clearing. My parents would be devastated, in an unsupportive way. And I just keep thinking that by then, my future would basically be non-existent. I wouldn't be able to achieve my life goals if I don't attain a good tertiary education. The prospect of not having the future you want scares a lot of people my age, especially when a lot of pressure is put on them to be successful; like there's only 1 way out. And this is what gets the suicidal attitude started.

I'm not saying I'm suicidal. Existentialism is quite extreme for someone like me who has only existed for a short number of years, but that's what the IB is turning us into. This morbid bunch of people who don't see any other point in life than to attain academic excellence. It's like the golden key to everything; people always say: "if you study hard then..." or "look, [name] went to this [university]! Look how successful they are now" and it just eats away at our soul. Students may reach a point where they are carrying the weight of a thousand deadlines and just feel so hopeless about it all that they just stop caring. Yes. Nobody wants to talk about the pressure issue with teachers or parents because it doesn't seem like you're strong; it seems like you're complaining about something that a lot of other people just suck up and deal with on their own.

Besides, we all know that the help they can provide us is limited. There is only one way out if we want to attain a diploma in the end. It's to go through with the 2 years.

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Suicide, in general, tends to be a topic not discussed in the mainstream public. Unlike the fields of illness, poverty, and aging, more money cannot solve suicide thought patterns, as it is the scale of our psychological torment (one which often lies in the metaphysical realm of thoughts, which can get highly confusing between different people).

 

I, for one, have almost let myself go through such a deleterious end. It was the midnight of a very stressful Thursday; the whole week kept consisting of reminiscent thoughts toward oblivious 'individuals', failing my own IB journey, and the father that I once saw happy, now clinically diagnosed with major depression, unable to comprehend the meaning he once saw as "happiness". As I reach for my old, tainted blade of sin, I start to think of all the things I'll miss after it's all gone through; my life, as I would know, would come to an end, There will be no redemption to that (unless Hinduism and Buddhism prevails).

 

One will argue that suicide tends to be for different particular reasons (not events, but ambiances). An individual who is constantly 'bullied' over how their physical nature attributes to be might commit suicide solely on the fact that he/she does not wish to coexist with such toxic 'individuals'. However; an individual who is highly involved with their metaphysical realm (thought process based on questions like: 'what is there?'), passively realizing they may never find a coherent answer to their questions, will most likely become depressed, antsy for answers, as their hues of reds and blues are merely replaced by the egregious blank-slate of grey. The individual is likely to fall into a state of nonchalant fragmentation that transgresses into unresponsive patterns in their lifestyle. Although this isn't the common definition of 'suicide', it is a metaphorical end to one's life, for their helplessness to questions all around them will drive those with insanity, exactly as depicted in the journal of James Eagan Holmes, perpetrator of the 2012 Aurora shooting in Colorado, USA. He continually wrote "why?" from the expansion of 8 pages, while the font grew more and more. 

 

So yes, suicide has been a part of my life here and there. I understand it is highly deleterious to one's experience in the IB, specifically. The only advice I can give to those stuck in their own lives would be to find a healthier purpose and to seek happiness for all, instead of better answers to our existence or ways to purify unfortunate events, respectively.

 

 

"A man once told Buddha: I want happiness. Buddha replied, "First, remove 'I'; that's ego. Then remove 'want'; that's desire. And now all you're left with is HAPPINESS." -Siddhartha Gautama, as depicted in his legend

 

 

 

(disclaimer: this is an answer and also a speech intended to motivate people, not a rant)

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I'm not going to lie.. I legit have had some serious thoughts about suicide, but the serious thoughts don't come from IB. It comes from the fallouts I've had with friends and also that one time I found out a lot of people at my school talk behind my back. Another thing was that this girl kept getting me in trouble for the littlest things even when she did things to me that were much worse, and I felt like the counsellor and the school constable didn't believe me. I'm sorry for the rant by the way D:  

 

Sometimes IB does get me stressed to the point where I have some dark thoughts, but I usually get over that because I know I tend to put unnecessary amounts of stress on myself, and I keep trying to tell myself that I will get through this and I know that the more I stress out, the less I am able to think about how to approach an essay/IA/any assignment in general. 

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  • 2 months later...

It would definitely be a lie to say I haven't. Of course, I wouldn't–I don't have the courage to–but I've had thoughts and bit of glances at the sharp edges. Most of my reasons to do so come from IB and school in general, actually. I'm not too proud of where I am as of now, and I'm having trouble believing there's anything out there. I do know there is something, but I don't know how to believe that. Even now, I'm still thinking. I've found out I have nine times more reasons to not live than I do reasons to live. I don't like to entertain the thought, but I guess it happens. When I have thoughts like that, I write a tally on my hand for everything I feel is worth living for. I always end up with two, but it's enough for me. I'm sure there are other people who feel this way, too, so don't feel bad if you do! IB is a b*tch. Haha  :P

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It would definitely be a lie to say I haven't. Of course, I wouldn't–I don't have the courage to–but I've had thoughts and bit of glances at the sharp edges. Most of my reasons to do so come from IB and school in general, actually. I'm not too proud of where I am as of now, and I'm having trouble believing there's anything out there. I do know there is something, but I don't know how to believe that. Even now, I'm still thinking. I've found out I have nine times more reasons to not live than I do reasons to live. I don't like to entertain the thought, but I guess it happens. When I have thoughts like that, I write a tally on my hand for everything I feel is worth living for. I always end up with two, but it's enough for me. I'm sure there are other people who feel this way, too, so don't feel bad if you do! IB is a b*tch. Haha :P

I'm sorry to hear that. If you ever need help, I'm there <3

If it gets bad please contact a counsellor.

And to answer the question - yes. I had and I have the thoughts. They're part of my life and I came to terms with it. I did put my thoughts into actions once and to be honest I don't really know why it failed, but let's not discuss that here.

It might not be normal for a healthy teenager to think about it, but honestly these thoughts keep me going. They're kinda telling me that there is always an emergency exit to it all. I think the worst part is that I'm not really leanent towards life nor death. Kill me and I wouldn't care. Maybe thank you even.

I do believe it gets bette, so if you're where I am now know problems are temporary. Stay strong :)

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i was suicidal and depressed during 2013, but eventually that went away (around summer in 2014). if i'm having an anxiety attack, though, or if i have a mental breakdown, i contemplate it sometimes, thinking everybody hates me and would be better off without me. it's not a constant state though, only when i'm panicking.

i'm not in the ib, so i'd be incapable of answering that question, but school was never a trigger for me; my depression didn't have any triggers. it's mostly due to feeling out of place because of my social anxiety, and they sort of go hand in hand, as s.a.d. makes you think people hate you, and if people hate you, suicide means that everyone would be better off without you.

i'd actually be shocked if anyone actually has had suicidal thoughts due to the ib. that has to be insanely stressful and hard.

Edited by beth-
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It would definitely be a lie to say I haven't. Of course, I wouldn't–I don't have the courage to–but I've had thoughts and bit of glances at the sharp edges. Most of my reasons to do so come from IB and school in general, actually. I'm not too proud of where I am as of now, and I'm having trouble believing there's anything out there. I do know there is something, but I don't know how to believe that. Even now, I'm still thinking. I've found out I have nine times more reasons to not live than I do reasons to live. I don't like to entertain the thought, but I guess it happens. When I have thoughts like that, I write a tally on my hand for everything I feel is worth living for. I always end up with two, but it's enough for me. I'm sure there are other people who feel this way, too, so don't feel bad if you do! IB is a b*tch. Haha :P

I'm sorry to hear that. If you ever need help, I'm there <3

If it gets bad please contact a counsellor.

 

Thank you, mac117! It's not too bad to the extent that I'd need to seek therapeutic attention of any sort, but I'm happy to know I've got an ear to speak my troubles to when I need! Hehe  :lol:

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My friends and I talked about jumping out the window or jumping down a building... As in suicide, but that's because we feel emotionally exhausted due to overdose of homework and tests. Probably won't follow through though, I got lots to live for!

 

yeah ok suicide isn't really something you should ****ing joke about so don't talk about it in such a trivial tone. congrats that you have so much to live for but that is such a naive perspective towards suicide. every person has "lots to live for" including those that have considered, attempted or passed away due to suicide. you sound like a prick posting this in a thread where people have spoken about how they are or have considered suicide. be more considerate when talking about something that is literally life or death because you don't know what your words can do to a person going through a hard time.

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My friends and I talked about jumping out the window or jumping down a building... As in suicide, but that's because we feel emotionally exhausted due to overdose of homework and tests. Probably won't follow through though, I got lots to live for!

 

yeah ok suicide isn't really something you should ****ing joke about so don't talk about it in such a trivial tone. congrats that you have so much to live for but that is such a naive perspective towards suicide. every person has "lots to live for" including those that have considered, attempted or passed away due to suicide. you sound like a prick posting this in a thread where people have spoken about how they are or have considered suicide. be more considerate when talking about something that is literally life or death because you don't know what your words can do to a person going through a hard time.

 

 

Tbh, I'm not sure I agree. A lot of things are sensitive (suicide being one) and joking about it can help. It doesn't mean they don't think suicide isn't an important thing to talk about or that people who are considering it are silly for feeling that way. 

 

Either way, your tone isn't helpful here. It doesn't make progress on changing people's minds nor does it allow you consider other perspectives. 

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