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Have you ever had thoughts of suicide?


Guest IMBATMAN

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I've been suicidal with severe depression since roughly age seven, thoughts a seven year old should never be having. IB is definitely the perfect catalyst for making sure I go through with it this time. The system has successfully robbed any semblance of joy that I once knew, and molded me into an empty shell simply awaiting the next assignment rather than coming to school eager to learn as in the past. I have nothing to live for, hats off to IB and its beautiful system. Nothing I ever did mattered in the eyes of the universe anyway!

 

Au revoir, world!

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I think about suicide all the time. As in, I wish to end my life by my choice. I don't want my death to be so abrupt and unexpected. 

Not now, or probably the next few decades, though. I want at least three years to contemplate my life before I commit suicide.  

 

Though, I doubt if I will ever have the courage to undergo it. The idea of absolute nonexistence after death just..feel surreal. I don't think I'm curious, not that I'll ever be able to fulfill my curiosity since after death I would not even be able to process the curiosity. I'll just be a big blob of rotting flesh that serves no immediate purpose other than to be dissected and be experimented on for fresh new medicine students. Actually, never mind that. Will it be even be me? If I die, will the body be me? What will I be? Am "I" just waves of electrical impulses called "thought"? I mean, then, now I think about it, why would I even care? It really would not matter once I die. I don't even know why I don't like nonexistence. I wouldn't be even able to process nonexistence. Though, surprisingly I still wish to cling on this temporary state of existence, and I assume I will ever do until, say, I find myself on an early onset of a terminal disease that slowly erase my existence. I don't know. My repulsion towards nonexistence, or death in general, just feels innate. I mean, it sort of makes sense considering evolution, but knowing why still doesn't change the fact I want to "exist". It is all kind of ironic, really. I only used to be scared of the painful process of dying, but then again, back then I was religious. Ha, look at all this rambling!

 

...this has nothing to do with IB. Absolutely. 

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I've been suicidal with severe depression since roughly age seven, thoughts a seven year old should never be having. IB is definitely the perfect catalyst for making sure I go through with it this time. The system has successfully robbed any semblance of joy that I once knew, and molded me into an empty shell simply awaiting the next assignment rather than coming to school eager to learn as in the past. I have nothing to live for, hats off to IB and its beautiful system. Nothing I ever did mattered in the eyes of the universe anyway!

 

Au revoir, world!

 

 

hey buddy don't feel like that <3 you are literally made of the same things that lions and stars are made from. you have the power to be the most amazing, powerful and beautiful creature in the world. Regardless of if you feel like you don't mean anything in the eyes of the universe, you mean something to me and to every other person on this forum. i love you <33333

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  • 4 weeks later...

Okay...

Am I the only one who has felt seriously sucidal and depressed cuz of IB?

Not only you...:/

I planned to finish as many assignments as possible during the christmas vacation, but I did almost nothing in the end... I didn't eve started revising... I always got distracted and on the last 4 days of the vacation I was so depressed, that I didn't do anything useful... Then I sometimes got motivation and lost it again and so on...

I think I can just work under pressure and now I just sit like the whole night on my EE and IA's to finish them... Fortunately I finished all of them except Math and physics, but yeah, I watched some videos on youtube from previous IB students, who give advices and I try to obey them...

 

So now I don't care about anything, I did a plan on how I will revise all subjects... I'm working with my private teachers in some subjects, (because the level of some teachers at school isn't that good + they don't have any experience) and I just calm down and do everything in a "relaxing" way... There are 2 Months left for the exams, so just put a POSSIBLE plan for yourself, how you will revise and solve some past papers... watch videos on youtube if you still don't understand a topic and if you have some questions you may even ask here on this website.... There is no reason to be depressed or feeling suicidial, and fortunately I realized that 3 months before the finals, better than realizing it after the exams...

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Okay...

Am I the only one who has felt seriously sucidal and depressed cuz of IB?

Not only you...:/

I planned to finish as many assignments as possible during the christmas vacation, but I did almost nothing in the end... I didn't eve started revising... I always got distracted and on the last 4 days of the vacation I was so depressed, that I didn't do anything useful... Then I sometimes got motivation and lost it again and so on...

I think I can just work under pressure and now I just sit like the whole night on my EE and IA's to finish them... Fortunately I finished all of them except Math and physics, but yeah, I watched some videos on youtube from previous IB students, who give advices and I try to obey them...

 

So now I don't care about anything, I did a plan on how I will revise all subjects... I'm working with my private teachers in some subjects, (because the level of some teachers at school isn't that good + they don't have any experience) and I just calm down and do everything in a "relaxing" way... There are 2 Months left for the exams, so just put a POSSIBLE plan for yourself, how you will revise and solve some past papers... watch videos on youtube if you still don't understand a topic and if you have some questions you may even ask here on this website.... There is no reason to be depressed or feeling suicidial, and fortunately I realized that 3 months before the finals, better than realizing it after the exams...

 

Absolutely agree with you to be honest.

Its just sometimes these thoughts pop up during really stressful and tough times. And I personally think the end is always the hardest.

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Nah I never feel suicidal as I have a good family who supports me and good friends too. If I ever get depressed or stressed I just play a game on my PC for a while which helps me relief myself.

It's good to develop a coping system to feel better :) Especislly before exams my friends and I talk about how each of us copes with stress - it is really good to know how others cope, and how it can even help us.

However you were probably down, as being depressed is a stronger, long-lasting feeling...

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  • 6 months later...

Yes, I have thought about it, notably during the chem IA (all the approved ideas didn't work so I had 4 experiments until I finally gave in to a database where nothing could fail). Whenever I get these thoughts though, I think of all the other people who are suffering with me and I think to myself that if they can do it, so can I. It also helps if you have friends who are also in the IBDP so you can complain to each other about how unreasonable the demands are or other BS IB gives us. I actually often make suicide jokes to friends (or just to myself) to lighten the mood. "I'm so sleepy. I wish I could sleep forever." or "I don't know what's worse: doing this work or killing myself." These are only a few jokes. I think these jokes actually help me cope through hard times in IB.

I was actually quite a loner before the IB program, so I'm actually glad I gained a few friends and got to know people in the process.

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  • 5 years later...

I can say only one thing to students - life is bigger and beautiful than exams. Sadly, the society has become a place for only the successful. It does not tell failures are part of my life and how to face them. There's a huge life beyond exams - you can become whatever you want. So, never lose hope and stay strong.

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