Ruan Chun Xian Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 Abby Student Student No. 62442 Illegal Richmond Resident Ave. British Columbia BACKGROUND * I have lived in Canada for the past 1 - 11 years, whichever one will help me earn more money. * I attended all the ghetto elementary schools in the city. SKILLS AND AREAS OF KNOWLEDGE Keyboarding: I can type 150 words per minute while caffeinated and 300 words per minute while on MSN. Metabolism: I can digest a large amount of food without gaining the slightest amount of weight. [wf] Writing: I have experience in writing formal codes, including the Pre-IB Code of Conduct which is currently framed on my wall. Relationship: I can maintain long-term relationships with a significant other. Please see TI 83+ for references (don’t talk to him about TI 84 Silvers, the wound is still fresh). Philosophy: I can develop insightful and highly accurate quotations, such as the following, “Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated, it hurts like hell and you produce **** very, very slowly”. [bl] BSing: I have extensively documented experience demonstrating my talent at this skill. I am able to provide efficient and instantaneous solutions to problems posed in a wide variety of context. In addition to proficiency in arranging arguments in a logical manner, I am extremely skilled in meeting and exceeding the objectives of the tasks given. For further evidence, see this paragraph. Athletics: I regularly sprint from the bus stop to the school before TOK classes. Child Care: At the risk of personal safety, I have carefully advised all students at lower grade levels to reconsider their decision to not have a life take on the IB Program in high school. Priorities: I possess a logical reasoning process when it comes to setting priorities. For example, if someone asked me whether or not I wanted to kill myself because of IB, I would reply, “Of course I would kill myself, but I’m too busy”. Mathematics: My proficient knowledge here has made me realize that I have more chance of getting a 7 in Math Higher Level if the teacher rolled a die than if I actually attempted the tests. I am also very good at imagining real world scenarios that involve probability calculations. Law: Not only am I familiar with the Canadian Constitution and the U.S. Criminal Code, I also know all the loopholes in both documents. WORK AND VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCES September 2005 - Present: International Baccalaureate Program I volunteered as a guinea pig in the Devil’s latest experiment in hell. I am happy to report that because of my presence, his Devilness has secured several new ways of torturing students in high school. I also earned 3402 CAS hours in this activity, yay me. August 2007 - November 2007: EE Returns Courier Services Ltd. I worked approximately 4 hours a week returning Extended Essay books to the VPL, RPL, BPL, and the UBC and SFU libraries by charging my peers $2 for every book I returned for them. ACADEMIC ACCOMPLISHMENTS September 2003 - June 2005 Regular High School X, Enriched Program * Overeagerness Award, Honourable Mention * Achieving the Impossible 102% in Three Subjects Award * Principal’s Hit List September 2005 - Present *** (Anonymous Secondary School) IB Program * “Mom, are you SURE I don’t have ANYTHING in my certificate binder?!” Dear God, please let the scholarship committee fall in a trance when they get to this section. You are getting sleepy. You are getting very sleepy. You are asleep. POST-GRADUATION PLANS I plan to apply to XYZ University and major in Facebook. In the summer after my graduation, I plan to wander aimlessly around Europe trying to figure out both the meaning of life and why I spent the last three years in high school doing that crazy program. Cuckoo. REFERENCES Godly TOK Teacher Position: Extended Essay Supervisor (2 years) Ms. Smith Position: FEDEX Kinko’s Broadway Branch (8 Hours) Myself Position: Imprint of departed soul (17 years) Mr. Jung Jr. Position: Psychoanalyst, personal therapist, and depression counselor (2.5 Years) Mr. X Position: Alcohol Anonymous Group Leader (2.5 Years) -- As an ever dutiful IB student, I have to report the source: http://www.ibyears.blissful.nu/ Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cixelsyD Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 LMAO!nice one! Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lc~ Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 will you? lol Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruan Chun Xian Posted December 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 will she what? Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lc~ Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 go check her comments on her blog Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest iber2468 Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 Yay it got posted! Thanks Hien =DLooks like I didn't put too much inside joke in it to be incomprehensible lol Of COURSE, did you have to ask? Let's run away to Aruba, or the Cayman Islands B) Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afterglow Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 Haha Priceless. Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lc~ Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 Of COURSE, did you have to ask? Let's run away to Aruba, or the Cayman Islands B) excellent! I'll be waiting can we get chem kid along as wel? I don't want him to die alone and depressed with vodka it reminds me of the USSR too much Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest iber2468 Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 excellent! I'll be waiting can we get chem kid along as wel? I don't want him to die alone and depressed with vodka it reminds me of the USSR too much Lol sureeee... I thought he was quite cute anyway, NOT that i'll be cheating on you Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lc~ Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 woohoo so did I! *high fives* so there sorted I bet he'll be happy Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest iber2468 Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 *high fives* Lmao this conversation has made me extremely giddy... Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Lc~ Posted December 24, 2007 Report Share Posted December 24, 2007 hahaha I tend to cause giddyness ... so does wine ^o) Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
icecoldstar Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 I thought you were actually going to show us how to write a resume...then, i realised this is the joke section... Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashika Posted December 31, 2007 Report Share Posted December 31, 2007 Haha me too!I was like, yessss and then ohhh and then hahahahah Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
FahaD Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 lo0o0o0o0o0o0ol Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetnsimple786 Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 SKILLS AND AREAS OF KNOWLEDGEKeyboarding: I can type 150 words per minute while caffeinated and 300 words per minute while on MSN.Philosophy: I can develop insightful and highly accurate quotations, such as the following, “Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated, it hurts like hell and you produce **** very, very slowly”. [bl]BSing: I have extensively documented experience demonstrating my talent at this skill. I am able to provide efficient and instantaneous solutions to problems posed in a wide variety of context. In addition to proficiency in arranging arguments in a logical manner, I am extremely skilled in meeting and exceeding the objectives of the tasks given. For further evidence, see this paragraph.WORK AND VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCESSeptember 2005 - Present: International Baccalaureate ProgramI volunteered as a guinea pig in the Devil’s latest experiment in hell. I am happy to report that because of my presence, his Devilness has secured several new ways of torturing students in high school. I also earned 3402 CAS hours in this activity, yay me.REFERENCESMs. SmithPosition: FEDEX Kinko’s Broadway Branch (8 Hours)Mr. Jung Jr.Position: Psychoanalyst, personal therapist, and depression counselor (2.5 Years)bahaha love itt! Now why can't I be this accomplished? Reply Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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