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Please please help.... I'm crashing

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So I just got all my grades for my subjects. For a year 1 exam. And they're not that good.

I put in so much of work. I studied for hours. I spent at least 30 hours on my art submission. Another at least 20 hours on each subject. 

And now I feel horrible. I feel like my work is pointless. I don't ever feel like working hard again cause what the point if all it'll get me is a freaking low 6?!

Six is not a bad grade; I know. And my school grades us harshly to make us study more. But I just feel demotivated. I worked so hard... Harder than I did for my IGCSEs and now I just... I hate this.

I've also been suicidal for 7 years almost. And the way my brain was working a few minutes ago... I feel scared of myself right now. I can't talk to anyone because it's the middle of the night and my family doesn't take mental illness that seriously.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I don't know anything anymore, except that I really don't want to work hard anymore.

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