SAT essay help

[Susannah]

Hi everybody!

I am preparing to embark upon a particular rite of passage known as the SAT General Reasoning test, AKA that one thing that colleges (at least in America) consider just as important as the entirety of your high school grades. I've been taking a practice course online, which offers me personally-tailored information on how to improve on reading and math, but doesn't give me any feedback at all on my essay and requires me to self-score it.

I feel like if I score my own essay, I'll be biased and will either be too hard on myself or too generous. I also have no idea which particular things in my writing I need to improve upon.

This is my essay, in response to a prompt about whether negotiation is necessary in order to be successful in one's adult life and whether it should be taught as a mandatory class in high school. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in the 7 to 9 point range (out of 12; more detailed scoring information at https://sat.collegeboard.org/scores/sat-essay-scoring-guide) and that I need to improve by adding more specific examples and elaborating on my thesis and conclusion, but I'm obviously not in a very objective position seeing as I wrote it myself.

"Negotiation skills are necessary for success in life, but they must be accompanied by a determination to hold on to one's personal values and beliefs. Although negotiation is important in day-to-day life, from business affairs to personal quarrels, a willingness to compromise for the sake of reaching a solution on common ground can jeopardize the true goals and objectives for all parties inolved. Take, for example, the hypothetical situation of two countries at odds with each other over a matter of trade. Leaders from both nations may attempt to sit down together and reach a solution, making innumerable concessions as they go, until both parties reach a conclusion that they certainly bargained and negotiated for, but privately are not satisfied with. In both personal relationships and matters of the state, negotiation might be so subtle of an art as to not be useful at all. This idea, and the fact that negotiation relies so heavily on intuition and personal judgment, make the proposition of teaching it as a class in school truly preposterous.

However, despite these drawbacks, negotiation remains a skill that can and must be fostered in American youth. Extracurricular programs like Model United Nations or debate teach students to negotiate efficiently and make concessions without wavering from their personal opinions. Programs like these, which indirectly grant students negotiation skills and also assist in instilling self-awareness, public speaking skills, and a sense of competition, should be implemented in American high schools rather than mandating classes that attempt to teach a trait learned through experience. Negotiation remains an essential skill for twenty-first century youth, but one should not underestimate the importance of other personal convictions and traits in achieving success."

Any thoughts? I'll actually be surprised if anyone responds to this; I'm sure you all have better things to do than grade an essay! What score would you give me, what are the weaknesses in my writing, what are some tips for other sections of the SAT, and what did you think of the actual subject matter of and prompt for the essay? I found it an interesting subject, personally. If anyone does respond to this, I extend my warmest thanks in advance!

 

 

[IB_taking_over]

My first comment is that it's all one paragraph. I would attempt to make it look an essay, not just a paragraph. (The goal make it as easy as you can for the graders to read it.)

I would write a stronger introduction. You jump right into your thesis. About your thesis (correct me if I'm wrong) Negotiation skills are necessary for success in life, (Check. Answers the first half of the question) but they must be accompanied by a determination to hold on to one's personal values and beliefs (I think you should add a direct reference to the "mandatory high school class").

 Get rid of hypothetical. Come up with a real situation, or at least something plausible.

Paragraphs would be extremely helpful in order to follow your train of thought. 

It lacks a strong conclusion, but your conclusion holds true to your thesis

 It's a good start to an SAT essay. I would give it a 3, maybe a 4 of 6. Mainly because your examples are rather general and it's all one paragraph.

Edited August 4, 2015 by IB_taking_over

[UncleChopChop]

It may be the text size and one paragraph, but it feels very short.

 

I got two 6s in mine just by using complex grammar (correctly) and fancy vocabulary as much as possible (it felt kinda artificial and dishonest, but you have to play the game). Make sure you fill up the two pages you're given - statistically, grades are directly correlated with essay length. Your examples need to be more specific as well - consider specific incidents in literature, history, or your personal life (the last one being a great choice because they cannot verify the factual accuracy of anything you write about your own life). The marker may spend as little as 30 seconds on your paper - so fancy vocabulary picked up in a cursory look-over is far more important than profound thinking, and the mention of impressive historical, personal or literary examples that are precise and specific will go a long way compared to "hypothetical" scenarios. Most importantly, don't stop writing - they don't care so much about what you write, only how you do it. You cannot lose points for factual accuracy (although it can look bad).