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PS help for Law please! Second opinion needed

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Hi! I'm currently in the later stages of writing my personal statement for UCAS applications for Law. 


There are a lot of things which my tutor in school doesn't want me to include/wants me to change radically and I'm not too sure whether I should take on board absolutely all the advice which is given to me... However, I just wanted a second opinion from someone who has gone through the experience of writing personal statements and see what you think about my PS.


Be warned that I am currently shifting the order of things a bit/my conclusion is far from finished etc. 


Thank you in advance! 

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